“Rise Again” has been this weeks motivation for me. I wake up every morning and I say “ Thank you God for a new day”. Before I even know what the day will bring I have trained my mind and spirit to be grateful that I opened my eyes that morning when others went to bed and were not as fortunate.
I had my monthly “brain check in” this past Monday which is what I refer to my therapy sessions as. I strategically plan my sessions for Monday’s because I hate the stigma of Monday’s being the worst day of the week. It also gives me a chance to reflect on the past week and how I’ve handled triggers and if they were healthy or not. If they weren’t the best coping skills, I can strategize for the upcoming week. Just hearing myself say words that are in my head out loud to my therapist and how I have handled certain situations is therapeutic in itself. For instance, I have gained the skill to differentiate the differences between a dark day and a bad day.
As an adult more times than not SOMETHING will fuck up a portion of our day. Whether it be car keys not being found in time and causing me to be late to an important meeting or Zoë (my beautiful 7 year old daughter) forgetting her lunch at home which calls for me to leave the opposite side of town to go make the drive to drop off her lunch. Situations like this are operational inconveniences and are normal. On the flip side of that there are in fact dark days. Days where it physically hurts for me to get out of bed and my anxiety gets the best of me to where simple task like taking a shower seem impossible to do without a 30 minute motivational talk on to why it’s essential for me to wash my ass and start my day in a productive manner. I say all of this to emphasize how important it is to be active in my mental health journey. It is not ideal to have to deal with these constant roller coaster of emotions but in my life there are no problems there are only solutions. I will fight for my best life. I deserve it, you deserve it. If you don’t like something about yourself, change it.
I had to be told by a close friend of mine that I always make myself out to be the victim in situations and it’s unhealthy and does nothing for me. It was hurtful to hear at first because no wayyyy me? A victim? I PUSHED A HUMAN OUT OF MY VAGINA, “ain’t no bitch in my blood. “ After my initial emotional response and being defensive I sat down alone and sat in my bullshit and reflected. I could see that in 7 out 10 situations I was playing victim. I didn't like that about myself so I actively worked on changing that character flaw. I don’t have all of the answers, no one does. There is no manual or handbook on how to be happy, but I’ll be damned if I don’t continue to find my path and live my truth. I can’t be anyone but myself, everyone else is taken. I have no idea what the future holds but regardless of anything I won’t give up and neither should you.
Everyone is fighting a battle that most of us know nothing about. No matter how glamorous their life appears, if you take a closer look they have dark days as well. Misery loves company. I say this not to wish turmoil on anyone but as a comforting tool. Just knowing that the people we idolize also have days where there vibrations are low and they question themselves is kind of a coping skill in itself. You aren’t alone. We aren’t alone. I love sharing my journey with you all, I hope it helps you with whatever you are going through as much as writing about my roller coaster life helps me. Thanks for clicking in.
Sending light and love to every beautiful person reading this.
xo Nneka
I admire how honest and brave you are. The world needs more of this. Keep spreading your light!